


we could have had the world

by babyboyxu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Other, Religious Guilt, Sad Ending, beach, beach date, donghyuck is just like at the end on a phone call lol, its me projecting >.<, lol everything i write on here is whats happened to me irl, lol this was a lowkey traumatic experience for me if i had to go through it u have to too, lol uh anyways, oh yeah renjun using it/its pronouns lol, religious homophobia, renjun gets heartbroken, they dont end up tgt lol, this is like my emotional outlet lol, yeah i was renjun nd got heartbroken because she had too much faith in god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29025366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyboyxu/pseuds/babyboyxu
Summary: renjuns world comes crashing down like the waves they had watched together.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee
Kudos: 2





	we could have had the world

renjun was curled up in its blanket, its phone on the mattress beside it, waiting for him to finally send his 'im gonna reject you' text. 

it was softcore torture, the way renjun had constantly checked whether his status read online or not, the way it was just waiting for the final blow to come crashing down on it. 

the both of them had gone out to the beach the day before, renjun drawing in its years old sketchbook, mark taking photos of the ocean view on his shitty galaxy phone. 

after a while, renjun had joined mark in watching the sea, small waves lightly crashing against a rock structure a few hundred meters away; renjun had suggested that they go sit on the big rock and looked at the waves from there, come on it'll be fun ! 

they climed up the rock, having ran past the sand pathway that was almost covered by seawater, holding hands for uh balance yeah. 

they sat themselves on the bath towel they bought from daiso before they came to the beach, starting to talk about seemingly the most unimportant things; the weather, the heat, school, work, but at least they were together then. 

after building up the courage after hesitating for about two different conversations about the boats out in the sea, renjun finally asked him.

'remember the party, when we kissed in that room?' mark looked out into the sea, avoiding eye contact. 

'do you regret it?' he gave an affirmative head shake after a few beats to show that no, he didnt.

thank fucking god. 

after a few dozon more fruitless conversations renjun asked another question that made it want to run away if mark had said no- 'can i kiss you?' 

it felt like its heart could've fell right out of its chest. 

'where?' hm. thats not what it had expected mark to say. 

'your cheek? and maybe your lips, before we leave. i dont wanna leave not having kissed you on the lips, that would be a crime!' renjun replied half-jokingly. 

a slight and shy nod from mark gave renjun all the answers it wanted. 

from where renjun had its head rested on marks shoulders, it turned its head and placed an innocent kiss on marks cheek, renjun feeling the happiest it had been in weeks. 

having kissed his cheek a few more times, renjun turned marks head and kissed his other cheek to match, then kissed mark on his lips, feeling warmth and familiarity spread from its lips to its head, filling it with adoration for the boy it was holding. 

the date, renjun had asked to confirm- it was a date, ended well, mark and renjun hand in hand, walking to the bus stop, on a walkway by the school they had attended together for four years, talking about the memories they had from their time as classmates, never once letting go of each others hand. 

renjun thought it was because they had missed each other that much, it had confirmed this before too, and maybe that was part of the reason for mark, but another reason was that mark had possibly known that this would be the last time they would meet, or talked to each other even. 

and now renjun was here, the next day, having curled up next to its phone, the dots under marks name on the screen indicating that he was typing something out, having done that for quite a few minutes at that point. 

it was an understatement to say that renjun was terrified. 

it wasnt going to accept that this was happening again, same as last time, same as it would always be. 

mark would reject it, tell it he loves renjun but that it needs to move on from him, that he didnt want to cause it to hurt anymore. 

all this because of that fucking religion of his. 

all this because -as he would explain in the long text he would send to renjun- he believes that what they were doing was a sin. one big sin. liking someone of the same sex. a sin. kissing, cuddling with, holding someone of the same sex, a fucking sin. 

sure it hurt that mark was rejecting renjun but the fact that he truly, with all his heart believed all those to be sins, caused renjun the most amount of heartbreak possible. 

this was renjuns crush of 3 years, possibly its first love. and there he was explaining away that he wanted to put his faith first and that he wanted to be good for his all powerfull god. 

'i just, wish he would have just told me he didnt like me, why couldnt he have just rejected me and not let me hug him and kiss him yesterday, it just hurts that this is how everything pans out after all thats happened.' renjun had said through its tears and hiccups to donghyuck over the phone.

'its just not fair' it says, knowing that donghyuck would be hugging and comforting it at that moment if it wasnt for his strict parents controlling where he went. 

'i know baby, but maybe now you can start to really move on, stop letting yourself get hurt because of him, you know, its what you deserve after all this bullshit.' and donghyuck was right. 

after this same thing happened last year renjun had held on, had hope that one day everything could somehow end up alright. 

but this was the turning point, it couldnt let itself get heartbroken by him anymore, no matter how much it wanted to just take marks offer to still remain friends, with the set boundaries of no physical contact of any kind. 

renjun got its heart broken, but at least it would never get hurt by him again.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah hi thanks for reading hav good day


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